How I have found myself....

....with my pants around my ankles and my life standing right behind me looking down at me with a silly grin on it's face saying, hey man, remember who's in charge here...

Firstly thou a few words of apology for not staying in touch with literally anyone, well sometimes u just don't feel like you've got anything to say, for me it is now.

Now to the point.

Caution: Article highly toxic. Possible side effects after reading: Suicidal thoughts.

Pursuit of happiness - continuation.

So let me paint a little picture for you my dear reader. (I know u don't start a sentence with "so", but what the hell, as Animals sung:

"[...]
It's my life and I do what I want,
It's my mind and I think what I want[...]"

If you've been following my blog you know all that so skip a few lines.

It's June 2005, New Zealand, life is great, you finally got your papers from immigration, new start, wonderful! You got the job, you've got time to develop your interests, hobbies, nice scenery, couldn't be better. Not quite. If you're a bit like me you want more from life, even thou it's OK, but as Alex Hitchens said:

"What if OK is not enough...? What if I want extraordinary...?"

So you go ahead and create another lifestyle opportunity. You start architectural photography business. Time goes by, it's going well. You meet people, important people in your life, you climb higher. With a lot of help of your closest you manage to get your name out in publishing world. You're in the magazine, in the book, for once in your life someone says what you do is great, and it ain't the guy in the mirror, great, but there's a dead end down the road. Architectural world where you live is so tight and uninviting that you have to start looking somewhere else, so you do. You make one of the hardest decisions of your life, leave people behind, even thou they matter, all in chase for a better future...? Comes August 2007. You're out there, people know you, and you commit a photo that gets everyone's attention. And there comes an offer. (now I won't quote, as it would be too easy to track it down on Google, and I'm not after revenge) "Matt, come work with us in Aussie". So you think to yourself, well, maybe it's the right time to make the move. But take it easy, go and check it out first. So you do. You fly over, meet the guy, from now on referred to as Certain Someone (CS), he seems reasonable, offer is clear, we discuss more details, set up a date, great. You go back to NZ, clean things up, quit your job, say good bye to friends, go home for Christmas.

March 2008

Welcome Aussie. You ring the guy, hey, I'm here, oh great, let's meet next week. Week goes by. CS ain't ringing, furthermore CS doesn't answer your calls or emails.
A month goes by, nothing, knock knock, says life, you've just been fucked!

First step is admitting it, so I do. No time to cry. You've already started sending out your CV, predicting what might happen and you start from scratch.

That's how you were a photographer... once...

Mr CS, the day will come, sleep with your eyes open. You get what you give. What goes around, comes around. Whatever you wanna call it, it'll come back to you.

I'll be fine, I'll just have to hit the ground again, wait for the dust to settle and start climbing up again, and I will, 'cuz if not me, who else...? Always have, always will. Why? Because I want extraordinary.

On a good side of things thou, in situations like this, you realize who your real friends are, someone who could easily show you a middle finger for what you've done to them, comes with a helping hand, someone whom you didn't necessarily known for that long turns out to be your great help. So all in all, life ain't that bad, you just have to take the punch once in a while to wake up from this little dream of yours. And wake up with something in between you legs that doesn't belong :-)

To wrap it up, It's fool's day when I write it, but it ain't funny, so please do me a little courtesy and don't ask me "how is it going", 'cuz it ain't fu***n going nowhere at the moment, and I'm a ball of fire, sleepless for weeks now, feeling like a zombie, and still having to make a good impression at the interviews.

That was a confession of a former photographer.

(Edit) 

Now that I read it, it may sound like a rant, but it's not, I've got no one to blame but myself, it's more of a warning, trust no one, not even your own judgement, as it may let you down.

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